Yes I Did
Yes I survived grad school. And now that it's over, I find myself strangely devoid of feelings. Or maybe two or more feelings on the opposite end of the emotional spectrum cancel each other out. Or maybe it's just menopause.
I'm feeling a little sad because I will miss my comrades in cohort 11, the 15 wonderful men and women with whom I spent practically every Saturday for a year-and-a-half. The hermit in me would never make new friends or spend more time than absolutely necessary outside my home. Thanks guys for making it fun.
I'm feeling happy because the alarm clock never again has to rattle me at 7am on a Saturday morning when I've just closed my eyes at 2am. I always resented having to go to bed early and would start the day feeling a little cranky and a lot anti-social. Thanks to old-school soul music on WPFW on the drive across town, my mood would be lifted (just a bit, though) by the time I slid into my seat in the classroom and plugged in my Mac.
I'm feeling a little deflated because I had expected to be filled with joy, having completed a really big thing because I never finish anything. (The prep material I bought to repaint the bathrooms is still in the bag -- two years later.) I'm not feeling the joy, or relief or sense of accomplishment that I need to be experiencing right about now. When does that kick in? What if it never kicks in?
Mostly, I'm feeling that the last 18 months were a blip, some sort of dream and I'm awake now, sitting in the same spot. And now I'm supposed to move on. But I don't know what I'm supposed to move on to, except Umbria at the end of the month. So now, I'm officially working on the summer vacation plan.
After that? We'll see.
I'm feeling happy because the alarm clock never again has to rattle me at 7am on a Saturday morning when I've just closed my eyes at 2am. I always resented having to go to bed early and would start the day feeling a little cranky and a lot anti-social. Thanks to old-school soul music on WPFW on the drive across town, my mood would be lifted (just a bit, though) by the time I slid into my seat in the classroom and plugged in my Mac.
I'm feeling a little deflated because I had expected to be filled with joy, having completed a really big thing because I never finish anything. (The prep material I bought to repaint the bathrooms is still in the bag -- two years later.) I'm not feeling the joy, or relief or sense of accomplishment that I need to be experiencing right about now. When does that kick in? What if it never kicks in?
Mostly, I'm feeling that the last 18 months were a blip, some sort of dream and I'm awake now, sitting in the same spot. And now I'm supposed to move on. But I don't know what I'm supposed to move on to, except Umbria at the end of the month. So now, I'm officially working on the summer vacation plan.
After that? We'll see.
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